The War Wagon

Today, I had lunch with Jason Adams, a friend and brilliant marketer who handles most of the online promotion for Mystery, VH1’s “The Pick Up Artist.” I actually met Jason through Mystery one year ago at the Rich Jerk’s 2007 Playboy Mansion event. Talk about a small world. An old friend from Hollywood randomly shows up at an internet marketing event…

So Jason updates me on what they’re doing to prepare for filming Season 2 of “The Pick Up Artist.” And it got me thinking about how similar the foundation of “pick up” or “The Game” is to courting clients or any business contact we want to secure. I thought back to five or seven years ago when I first started breaking into business. I made every faux pas imaginable and, to my dismay, they are very similar to the mistakes pick up artists warn their proteges against.

Now, you’re probably thinking one of two things at this point:

1. What the heck is “pick up?”
2. How in the WORLD does THAT equate to courting clients or landing strategic business alliances?

To answer the first question, “pick up” is a technique men use to court women. You may have heard of David D’Angelo of “Double Your Dating” fame (actually the brilliant Eben Pagan)? Or Neil Strauss and his bestselling book, “The Game.”

To answer the second question:

It’s All About By-Passing Social Proof and Immediately Establishing Worth
Is courting a client so different from approaching someone you’re attracted to? In both cases, we face the fear of rejection, self-conscious doubts about what we’re worth in their eyes. We might even get the same jitters. Add on top of that the fact we often target people who are used to being bombarded with interest and eagerness…

These people almost always have their walls up and have learned to only give their time to people who meet their requirements (such as other highly successful people). So how can we bypass that need for social proof? And what can we learn from pick up artists that can help us land our ideal clients or that profitable business alliance? Quite a bit, actually!

Here are some Pick Up Techniques that - when applied to courting clients, strategic alliances, CEO’s, celebrities in your niche, etc. - may just give you the edge you need to land the deal.

Don’t Approach Them in the Stereotypical Way

When men court women, what is the first mistake most of them make? They try to pick her up at a bar or nightclub. No wonder they get the cold shoulder. But we often do the same thing in business. I know I used to. We approach famous speakers right after their talk - at the front of the seminar room in a long line of fellow admirers. Or we try to close the client in the boardroom. This makes us just like every other Joe or Jane trying to network or partner or sell to them. And they will naturally have their guard up in such situations.

I first learned this valuable lesson when shopping around a self-help book. A published author friend stopped me from committing writer-suicide (attending a paid pitch-fest in front of editors from major publishing houses) and handed me the golden ticket: Don’t go where every other author goes to pitch their book. Go where the editors go to pitch themselves. So I attended Book Expo that year, where publishers go to court booksellers, and voila - I was the only one there shopping my book to them and I easily got their attention (and a pending book deal).

I incorporated this sage advice again just last year when I decided I wanted to befriend and align with the most brilliant marketers online. Did I attend a seminar and wait patiently in line after each talk to introduce myself, my pitch, and hand over my business card? Heck no. I went down to the hotel lobby bar, where everyone hangs out at the end of the long day, and had a normal, non-business conversation. No pitch, no “so this is what I do, what do you think?”

And the same goes for courting clients. One consultant I coach called me, ecstatic about a major corporate client he just landed. “It was so easy!” he said. And this was a client he’d courted for five months, and couldn’t seem to quite close. “I didn’t think they’d go for it, and I basically gave up, and thought at the least I should get a golf game out of it. So I told them ‘how about we give this thing a rest for a bit and just grab a round of golf?’” By the end of the game, he had his client.

Don’t Have an Agenda

This builds on the last tip. When approaching anyone - whether for dating or for business - if you emit the message that you are on a mission, you’ll actually repel the very people you wish to attract. You might also make yourself a nervous wreck trying to remember your rehearsed pitch. Just throw it out the door and go in clean. No agenda, no stress. Instead, talk to friends and fellow colleagues, and strike up conversations with strangers. You’ll be surprised who will suddenly be the close friend of someone you’re trying to reach.

Most importantly, just be yourself and ask a lot of questions. Be genuinely interested. Listen more than you talk, and share opinions and ideas. Only talk about your particular business or service when the other party is intrigued and has asked.

No Pick Up Lines

Ok, you wouldn’t go up to a woman or man you’re interested in and say, “Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night.”

Well the equivalent to that in the business world is that rehearsed pitch of yours that you just know will land the alliance or client you’re going for. This one took me a long time to learn. Although I learned the above two guidelines somewhat quickly, I would still get right down to business the second they gave me the chance. For instance, I’d play my cards right, up until my target asked “so tell me what you do.”

Then it was Pitch Fest 2006 and I was off to the finish line. Don’t even try to stop me. And I’d burn the contact. Because I appeared too eager, an amateur light weight trying to box with the heavy weights.

So I’ve since learned to back off, even when pushed for my pitch. This leads to another technique I’ve found highly effective as long as it’s used appropriately…

Be a Bit Mysterious

Less is more. Dating or business, it doesn’t matter. If you’re intriguing and a bit mysterious, the other person feels a gravity towards you and they want to know more. Now this can’t be a manufactured mystery. Just be reserved in how much you say about yourself. Don’t skirt direct questions, just don’t take them as opportunities to tell your entire life story or tell them anything and everything you want for Christmas.

Don’t Act Like It’s Your Last Day On Earth

You’ve seen those men (or even those women) who troll bars and nightclubs like it’s their last night on earth - and they have to find someone. I find it fascinating and somewhat depressing that I could spot that a mile away in the dating scene, but then I’d become that desperate idiot the moment I walked into a client’s office or industry event.

It appears, especially when we’re first starting out in an industry, or trying to get our first couple clients, that we only have that one shot to make the magic happen. But over the years, I’ve seen that’s just not the case. The slow turtle wins the race. Now, I never try to get the sale on the first meeting (though, because of this, I often now do). I also don’t try to get a joint venture or business relationship at first connection with someone I admire.

Instead, I build rapport and relationship first. At industry events, I no longer talk any business other than brainstorming others’ businesses or asking advice for my business (very different from asking them to do something for me or partner with me). Instead, we share travel stories, laugh about fellow associates, and go out on the town to share new experiences and create closer bonds.

As the relationship strengthens, any appropriate joint ventures will come out of the wood work naturally, and they may be the first to approach the possibility. Plus, you get something almost more valuable than any single joint venture: you get to network into their world. Connect with one best selling author in a particular industry and, trust me, you’re suddenly in the circle with every single one of them. Same with top speakers in a niche, or the gurus in a certain market. It’s a small world at the top.